The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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