Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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