I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
