I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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