Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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