Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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