woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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