do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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