In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
