Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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