So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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