Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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