I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
