I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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