dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
