It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
