Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
