dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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