it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Fuck appropriateness.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
