I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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