just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
