Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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