hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
