D3 body, D1 cock
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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