i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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