Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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