trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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