sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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