the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
