guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
