I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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