i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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