I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
