Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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