i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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