So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
