just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
