i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
