'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
