They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
