normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
