I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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