im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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