Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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