Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
