Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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