Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
