I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
