Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
