The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
