You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
