You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
