remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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