woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
