We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
