Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
