Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
