Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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